


Indeterminately Sealed

by Cumberbatch Critter (CumberbatchCritter)



Series: Alvin and Jude - Their Epic Bromance [3]
Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: A bit of Alvin's past, Deep Conversations, Gen, M/M, Phobias, Serious Alvin, Strength, Thunderstorms, War, Worried Jude, fears, sleepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 13:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1606238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CumberbatchCritter/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before the big battle and no one can sleep. So, Jude and Alvin start to talk; deep conversations ensue.</p><p>Featuring:</p><p>Serious Alvin<br/>Jude being afraid of thunderstorms<br/>Adorable mentions of Alvin's past</p><p>Alternate scene of the boys all sharing a room in Xailen Woods Temple; set between the scene in the game where Jude talks to Alvin and then Milla/Gaius when they can't sleep and before morning arrives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indeterminately Sealed

Jude wasn't sure what it was that brought him crashing back to the periphery of consciousness, but whatever it was left his heart beating a little bit faster and his senses straining just a little bit further.

Not nightmares, he didn't think, not right now. Usually the dreams filtered through to consciousness, and he could remember despite not wanting to, but it was all peace and blank where those pictures usually floated.

Something had woken him, but he couldn't tell what.

Chalking it off as a trick of his mind, Jude yawned widely and curled over, groping for the blankets to pull closer when the encompassing yet distinct noise rushed over the temple: it was thundering.

His eyes flew open in time to catch the illimunating flash of lightning as it obediently followed the thunder. Jude slammed his eyes closed again, fighting against the after-image of the lightning flash, against the swell of unease in his stomach and the prickling of anxiety beneath his skin.

He didn't like thunderstorms, not particularly. He'd never done so great with them as a child, and Fenmont's spirit-clime didn't allow for them often. Yes, he could handle them if they happened if he was in a frame of mind, but now... not now, when his nerves were stretched thin and his body coiled tight in preparation for the battle tomorrow.

Fezebel Marsh - there had been a thunderstorm, then, too. Jude had noticed it, felt the usual response start to occur within his body. But it had changed, morphed over into a horror for the death and destruction caused by the war, molded into a singularity that had clawed at him to stay alive in the battle that followed, and between the screaming, the crying, and the overwhelming sight of death surrounding him, he hadn't had time to focus on the thunderstorm.

And even now, he was slipping into those memories, still so fresh in his mind (he didn't know how long he'd been out since the ships had fired upon them), except that they didn't help now. Because the next crash of thunder was accentuated by the echoes of a scream, a sound produced by his mind, and the lightning was met with the vision of swords clashing together in a blinding glint.

"Quite a doozy."

The voice in the darkness made Jude flinch, until he realized that it was Alvin, speaking to him from the next bed over. The storm must have woken him up, too. Or maybe he hadn't been to sleep yet at all. It seemed that only Rowen and Elize and Leia (but, then, Leia always could sleep through anything) were sleeping soundly tonight.

"... Yeah," Jude muttered.

The silence that fell was only punctuated by the thunder that insisted upon its stay and the lightning that once or twice touched down, creating a sound louder than the thunder itself.

Jude shuffled over onto his side. It felt strange to sleep facing Alvin when Alvin was awake, but it was the only option that helped prevent Jude seeing the flash of the lightning it its full glory. He closed his eyes firmly, only to open them again when bodies started piling upon themselves in the imagined war-scape of his mind. He wrapped his arm around his head, pulled the blanket over, and pushed closer into the flimsy pillow his head was resting on.

He knew it was pointless to wish the thunderstorm away, but it had never stopped him before and it certainly didn't now. His hands were shaking beneath the blankets and he desperately wished for them to stop, too. Shaking hands didn't benefit a soldier, especially not one who fought with his hands and healed with his hands, too.

"You don't have to be so indestructible all the time."

Jude again flinched at Alvin's voice - if he was going to talk, couldn't he at least clear his throat or something? - forcing himself to shuffle the blanket aside slightly to look towards the mercanary. "What...?"

Alvin was on his back, arms folded beneath his head, gaze directed towards the ceiling. "You are allowed to be scared of some things, sometimes," he said, without looking away.

Something close to embarrassment sank into Jude's nerves, overlaying the tension and the unease and the borderline panic, however temporary it might be. "How did you know...?" he mumbled, curling up tighter still. If Alvin knew, the rest of the group may as well. He didn't exactly trust Alvin with his secrets, yet, but... he hadn't been lying earlier: he did worry about him. It was, as everyone kept mentioning, his do-gooder nature.

"Because I used to do the same thing when I was a kid."

Jude's lips turned down. "Stop teasing me," he muttered, flinching when thunder crashed again and cursing at himself for it afterwards.

"I'm not." Alvin tilted his head towards him. "They used to scare me all the time in Elympios. We got a lot of electrical storms, lots of touch-downs for bolts. The noise was horrendous. I would get terrified if it so much as started to rain a bit. You were in Xian Du; you heard my mother. I used to worry over everything like a dog on a bone."

Jude was quiet for a moment, processing the information. Yes, he had heard Alvin's mother mumbling about Alvin worrying himself sick, how fragile he used to be when he was a child. But he had also heard Alvin's mother saying that Alvin had wrote a letter saying that he had two cats named Jude and Milla, and that couldn't be right because that meant Alvin was calling them his pets...

"What changed?" he asked shortly.

"About the storms? I saw worse," Alvin said simply.

Jude tilted his head on the pillow slightly. "What do you mean?"

Alvin's lips twisted into a dry smirk as he turned his head away. "Put it this way: killing your first target becomes a source for nightmares than any thunderstorm rattling your nerves."

"Target...?" Jude echoed, although Alvin didn't respond. Jude guessed it had something to do with his profession, although he didn't deem it wise to ask about right now. "I thought," he said, slowly, instead, "that, after Fezebel... after all those people... I shouldn't be worrying about a stray lightning bolt, but..."

"You'll get over it," Alvin said shortly. "But you'll wish that you hadn't."

"Why's that?"

"Would you rather suffer the loss of sleep because of a thunderstorm or because you're reliving your victim's screams?" Alvin's voice was a monotone, but all _wrong_. For not the first time - and definitely not the first time today - Jude again wondered _what_ Alvin wasn't telling them about himself.

Yes, he was obligated to tell them some secrets, like working with Exodus or being from the 'other' world, but some of the secrets, Jude knew without asking, Alvin was hiding weren't necessarily darker but definitely a lot deeper.

It was unsettling to think about what went on in Alvin's mind. Not just for the good of his own sake, Jude thought, but for Alvin's sake as well.

"Freaked out enough yet?"

Jude shook his head slightly, jolting back to reality. "What?"

"You were looking pretty distant there, kid. I thought I put you off," Alvin replied. His tone was almost teasing, but not quite hitting the mark, as his eyes assessed Jude's face.

Jude shrugged. "No. Not yet," he added.

Alvin huffed a laugh and turned his head away again.

Jude was silent for a moment before speaking. "... Thanks."

Alvin's attention was back on him almost immediately. "For what?"

"Perspective," Jude said shortly.

Alvin stared at him for a long, hard moment before offering up his usual, roll-with-the-punches smile. "Probably not the best thing to give you before we jump right into the battle of the century."

Jude shook his head slowly, a slight side-to-side motion that left his hair falling into his eyes. "I mean it."

Alvin's smile faltered at his words before it fell away completely. "... Yeah," he muttered, looking back at the ceiling again.

In the brief instant where Alvin turned his face away, the mercenary looked utterly and hopelessly _lost_.

Jude was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to see that. Instead of asking about it - because probing Alvin was like poking a sleeping bear, he'd come to realize - Jude simply pulled his blankets closer and watched Alvin through his eyelashes.

Despite the betrayals and the lying, Alvin looked as lost as Jude felt during stages of this mission. It only strengthened his resolve: Alvin didn't have anyone to worry about him, so Jude would step into the place.

Maybe it was a little different than overcoming a fear of a thunderstorm, Jude thought, burrowing down a bit more as thunder rumbled far off in the distance now, but he was determined to unlock the secret parts of Alvin that _Alvin_ probably didn't even know existed.

Lying to others was one thing, but...

Lying to yourself was something wholly different.

"... Night," Jude mumbled.

"G'night," Alvin muttered in response.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up totally different than I had originally planned. I had planned for cuddles and something serious happened instead. Nevertheless, I really enjoy this one. (Yes, I know Xailen Woods Temple doesn't have windows, at least, not in the room they stay in. ;-; Ignore it.)
> 
> I do not own _Tales of Xillia_. All rights belong to Namco (Bandai) and any others affiliated.


End file.
